I am crazy.

I am crazy.  The world to me; it’s different.  My world, the one where I have the power, its messy.  I did that.  I make my world messy.  Self destructive abuse of power, abuse of emotion too.  Like a child; i feel, but do not think, I hurt, you and me both.  Your world, you are safe; constriction of thoughts, stops you cutting your soul to shreds.  I make mine mad; it makes me mad.

There is something wrong with me, a mutation in my brain, my body doesn’t respond adequately.  A mental dysfunction, it affects you, and anybody who smells the connection between one being and another. 

I am helpless; you cannot save me.  Even if you could, you wouldn’t, after all you wouldn’t wan to stain your hands with the blood of my mindless disturbia. My head spins, my body lurches, out of control; drunk and drugged.   

An enchanted sound winds through my veins, the sound of a  broken instrument; breaking my soul, beats pounding further and further into my body like a nail being hammered. 

You may be enticed by the darkness of my soul, the twisted function of my organs; to the untrained eye, this is beauty.  This pain, torture, manipulation by the highest power.  Laughing at you, you wanting this... ill spit at your desire. You cannot control the demon I posses; this demon will eat at your dainty trusting soul. Cruel.

I am an animal, wild, untrained, free; in a sense. The freedom I posses is a malicious kind.  A kind of freedom separates me, a barrier between me and you.  So as I cannot trust you, I cannot love.  Love can be such a simple emotion when handled with care; I have been trained to destroy such foolish, tender, beautiful things.

I can feel the beat, pounding; boom, boom, boom, boom... blood pumping, head throbbing; a vice, my heart, disconnected from my body; it hangs limp from my chest.  Still beating, alive.  The organ; boom, boom, boom, boom... the sounds drives me, drive me on through territory, territory I do not know, alone and lost. I am loosing it; my senses – heightened, and I regain control of the demon. It is as much a part of me and another limb or cell. Poison of the evil prosperity spiralling down through my blood, bleeding evil infection. 

Feel my body as it twists and turns; sweating as I fidget and jolt.  Uncomfortable in my own skin as my body locks down trying to escape.  I shout a yell; pierce the silence, anything to stop the pounding that’s keeping me alive.